Christianity is cheaper.

I laughed inappropriately the other day when I was at the interview of one of the first believers in a Pwo Karen village in the mountains near he border of Thailand and Myanmar. I laughed because they said the main reason why they became Christians was because it was cheaper than being animist. I'd slipped back into a Western mindset and was expecting an answer that revolved somewhere around the guilt/sin paradigm and some deep repentance, so this just caught me off-guard and I giggled.

It makes sense though. Animists have to frequently sacrifice animals to appease the spirits and so when this became too much of a burden for them, they turned to Christianity because it didn't require any animal sacrifices, and instead taught that Jesus was the already completed perfect sacrifice. 

After this, I heard my pastor was recount his experiences in Borneo sharing the gospel with an unreached tribe there. He sat quietly and talked with the headman of the village who was mainly fascinated with the idea that they would no longer have to sacrifice an animal every morning in each corner of the village for protection, as their shamans taught. By the next morning that village had become followers of Jesus. 

So is turning to Jesus out of economic need a bad motivation?

I don't actually think so. In Hebrews 9 the Bible makes a fairly big deal about how Jesus 'offered himself to God as a perfect sacrifice for our sins' (v14, NLT) and superseded the OT laws of animal sacrifice, where 'the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a young cow could cleanse people's bodies from ritual defilement' (v13, NLT). I think it's just the way the Gospel is preached in the west does not emphasise the sacrifice of Jesus as anything more than a symbol, perhaps dealing with inner conscience, because we don't practice ritual sacrifice as a lifestyle. So we read it as a historical, almost symbolic story and skip over the blood, gore and money that it takes to procure animals. But it was important to people in the time of Jesus who still sacrificed in the temple in Jerusalem. And the Bible is relevant to all people, through all ages, and quite conceivably, God knew there were tribes to whom it was very important to hear that Jesus replaces actual, physical sacrifices even today. 

So can we preach something like this? 

Turn to Jesus, because it will save you all the expense of all those bulls/goats/chickens you sacrifice to spirits who give you lesser protection than the Son of God who died once and for all your sins/curses?

Sure! Why not? As long as we don't leave it just there, I think it's as valid as any other explanation of the Gospel.

How to do an exorcism of a house

I think every missionary in an unreached country, especially those with animistic rituals, needs to know how to do an exorcism. It's not something you're usually taught to do in church, but it'll come in handy when needed, so I will write a plain step-by-step manual later for what has worked for me so far.
But first, some background.

Jesus traveled through all the cities and villages of that area, teaching in the synagogues and announcing the Good News about the Kingdom. And wherever he went, he healed people of every sort of disease and illness. He felt great pity for the crowds that came, because their problems were so great and they didn't know where to go for help. They were like sheep without a shepherd. He said to his disciples, "The harvest is so great but the workers are so few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send out more workers for his fields." - Matthew 9:35-38 (NLT)

This was part of our bible study tonight on Matthew 9. It struck me that this was the summary of the ministry of Jesus that Matthew 9 had been giving glimpses of earlier - a ministry that included this:

When they left, some people brought to him a man who couldn't speak because he was possessed by a demon. So Jesus cast out the demon, and instantly the man could talk. - Matthew 9:32-33 (NLT)

It reminded me of something that stood out to me during my last class on spiritual warfare - that Matthew tended to just clump exorcisms as part of the healing ministry of Jesus. It showed how commonplace it was for Jesus to cast out demons, and also that there were probably a lot to be cast out, including ones causing illness. Yet when we read that passage about the harvest being great, normally I think of it as applying to evangelism; that we need more missionaries. But in the whole context, Jesus was sharing the Gospel, healing and casting out demons. He pitied the people because they had spiritual and physical problems, and as one person in my bible study pointed out; when he looked at the fields to be harvested, in that chapter it was not just an unreached village waiting to hear the Gospel, it was the paralyzed, the sinner, the sick, the dead, and the demon possessed.
So now, as we are to be more like Christ and to carry on the ministry of Jesus, then should we not also be sharing the Good News, healing the sick and casting out demons? It was pointed out to me in my class that we are reasonably comfortable with the first two, but usually prefer to ignore the latter. Yet if you make some quick calculations, let's say Jesus only cast out one demon a day (as Matthew seems to be trying to give us a snapshot of Jesus' ministry so it must have been a regular enough part of it); then in his 3 years of ministry, he then may have cast out over 1,000 demons, not to mention possible multiple castings like the legion out of the man at the Gerasene tombs. So why should we ignore it today?

Back to bible study, my friend was sharing about how he had visited a guesthouse in Mae Hong Son where a demon had been banging around in the roof all night and he couldn't sleep. He even had recorded the sound of it on his phone. Previous occupants of that room had also mentioned it to the guesthouse owner. It sounded like metal banging, but the roof was all timber and nothing was up there. He came back to Chaingmai, but the spirit had followed him and was banging in the roof of his home now. Every creak and bang was causing him fear, and he was exhausted from lack of sleep.
When he spoke to his Thai neighbours and landlord, they had a name for that type of spirit. Seems it is a common affliction, but I felt outraged that it dared to bother my friend, who is a Christian.

So we went over to exorcise it. Keep in mind this is only the second time that I have ever done it, but it seems to work, so I'm sharing it with you, because I hate seeing people, especially Christians left captive and afflicted. So finally I come to the steps, here they are:

1. Pray and declare out loud the sovereignty of Jesus Christ. God is the creator of everything on heaven and earth, the seen and the unseen, and He certainly has the power over this spirit.

2. Ask God to bring to mind any sin or thing that needs to be dealt with. If something comes up, repent and deal with it. Everyone in the room should do it, usually on their own, but sometimes people need to confess out loud.

3. Get some oil and anoint the corners of the room, while praying over it declaring that this is now holy ground and part of the Kingdom of God so the enemy has no power in it. I tend to claim that part about everywhere we place our feet becoming part of the Kingdom of God (originally applied to Joshua in Joshua 1:3). Basically, you're consecrating the place to God. No, I don't know if the actual oil is necessary but we as humans also like rituals and visual signs for our faith, so I do it. If you don't have oil, I'm sure God will listen and act just the same.

4. Have communion together. This was taught to me the first time I had to do an exorcism...I was a teenager who knew nothing about it but a friend was in trouble and I had 10 mins on the phone downloading Spiritual Warfare 101 from another friend whose parents were involved in that ministry as I walked to my troubled friends' house. Basically they said exorcism is all about declaring that Christ is Lord, and communion is one of our strongest symbols of that because it is the body and blood of Christ, the ultimate sacrifice that conquered all. So we had communion with chips and ice tea (or last time, coke).  There's often no time to hunt up some grape juice/wine and wafers, but God understands.

5. Clean out the house of items that may have bad spiritual ties. No you do not have to toss out everything. Both times that I've done it, God has brought a very specific newly acquired item to the owner's mind, and it's been confirmed by their significant other. So just toss it out.

6. Command evil spirit to leave in the name of Jesus. This last time, while the others were praying, I addressed it directly saying, "Spirit of fear, or whatever is banging around in my friend's roof, I command you to leave in the name of Jesus. You have no power to be here as he is a child of God, so go now. Take any other minions or whatever you may have brought with you and leave this house immediately." Or something of that sort. As I was speaking, I could feel my tongue turn to lead and I stumbled on my words and my mind blanked temporarily, and then I thought 'oh no you don't!' and kept going. The hairs on my arms stood up and I felt a chilly prickle. As I continued to command it to leave in the name of Jesus, the prickling subsided, and until I could say reasonable confidently, "It is gone."

So that's it, I know the bible mentions some need fasting and prayer, so that may come up. It also is better I think to do this with a group of believers. Also, both times it has been a demon afflicting them from the outside - banging around, and in the first time when I was a teen, holding my friend down physically at night; but they were not manifesting or showing any form of possession. I think with those, it would require some deeper healing perhaps, so these steps are simply for an on-the-spot exorcism of a house. Hope it helps you, and remember - Jesus is Lord and all authority is his (and so indirectly, ours).

Therefore put on the full armor of God,so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. - Ephesians 6:13 (NIV)

The World, the Devil, the Flesh

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath 

Ephesians 2:1-3

Both the Devil and the world, in temptations, attack our flesh, causing us to sin. Interestingly, the pentecostal tradition tends to focus on the Devil, the Fundamentalists focus on the World and the Evangelicals tend to focus on the flesh. A balanced view would be that all of these work on us, since they are mentioned together in this verse.
So then when someone comes to you with a problem, considering all these things is a good perspective. 

Deliverance from Evil Spirits

On the mission field, sooner or later you will encounter evil coming from the spiritual realm. It's a good idea to have an idea of where you stand before you, for example, have to stand before a Muslim shaman doing a trance ritual, as I encountered two years ago.

Here's some salient points from my class on Spiritual Warfare

• The word 'demon-possession' is not an accurate translation of the original text. A better one may be demonized, or simply 'to have a demon'. The demons may not always completely possess, as in control, a person, but they may have influence. As seen in the NT encounters of Jesus with demonized people, sometimes they may seem fine but then may occasionally exhibit strange behaviors as the demon ramps up bothering them.
• A Christian can not be fully inhabited by a demon as our spirit is now the Lord's. However, in the same way that you can sin after becoming a Christian, you can also yield ground (say via sin) to allow demonic influence even after becoming a Christian. Sometimes this gets to the point where they are doing things they would not normally do or acting very strangely.
• Demonic influence can come from sin, curses, family spiritual inheritance (like children being dedicated to other spirits), trauma done to you (as in the case of abuse victims), and dealing with the occult. When dealing with occult spirits it is good to fast and pray to prepare yourself first.
• Casting out demons is actually a part of healing the person. So it should be in the overall scope of discipleship etc.
• When casting demons out, you don't have to shout, they are not deaf. Also do not get angry, remember you are battling a spiritual power, not the person. There is no need to be dramatic and you can also just tell them to be silent and leave quietly so they don't make a scene.
• There is no magic formula to casting them out, but saying something like this generally works. "In the name of Jesus, get out of here and do not return. This person belongs to Jesus and you have no control here. We cut off any ties and any influence from Satan."

Evangelisation in Thailand

People in Thailand come to Christ only 6% through missionaries. The other 24 % is through pastors and the other 70% through church members.
However only 4% of the church members are involved in further discipleship, leaving church growth slow.
- Ajarn Yuttasak Sirikul, call2all 2013

Location:ถนนห้วยแก้ว,Chiang Mai,Thailand

Call2All Chiangmai plenary session

Right now I'm at the opening session of Call2all world congress and this was a cool testimony the speaker, Ajarn Sydney, told.
He works with the Karen tribe in a poor area in the mountains. One day it was cold so they built a fire. As they did so they saw light streaming from the top of every mountain around. They knew it was strange so they said "let's gather every Christian and gather in the sports field and God will heal the blind."
As they gathered everyone saw the same vision of a river of blood coming towards them, and a voice saying "the blood of Jesus will cleanse this village."
Since then there has been revival in the village and it is now 20% Christian even though the rest of Thailand is under 1%.

Tithing

Numbers 18:26
You are to speak to the Levites, and you must tell them, ‘When you receive from the Israelites the tithe that I have given you from them as your inheritance, then you are to offer up from it as a raised offering to the Lord a tenth of the tithe

Sometimes people look surprised when they see tithing as part of my living costs as a missionary. Even some missionaries believe that they shouldn't tithe but be the recipient of it only.
I tithe for a few reasons:
* We need to be an example for the local church. If you don't tithe why should they?

* My church on the mission field needs money to keep running too. And they have many children's homes and other programs etc.

* If you look at the verse in numbers, even the Levites tithed and they were the set apart servants of God.

* Even Jesus tithed.

Aspects of leadership

Leadership is the idea of how the leader leads.
Several aspects to look at for leadership when analyzing an organisation are:

• History 
• Authority: Social right to exert power in certain situations
• Legitimacy: Culturally appropriate
• Support/Backing: Various groups wanting limited resources for their agenda
• Decision-making: The rules of the decision-making process, the appropriate timing.
• Exercise of power: Power is the participation in the making of decisions, it can be used or abused.

Leadership theories over time

Leadership as a term and concept has only been around since the 1900's so we start our timeline there.

Leadership ideas

• 1900's great men were born with specific traits
• Late 40's Rise of unions took power away from the one great leader idea and gave it to the people
• 50's - 60's Depression saw the reversal of the earlier trend as contingency leaders rose, one strong leader to pull people out of the pit
• 90's were all about vision, so if people didn't feel fulfilled in their job or in the vision they just switched work, no loyalty.
• 1995+ The fall of Enron and other companies bring the concept of morality into leadership.

Leaders we look to also seem to have switched from political leaders like Winston Churchill to business leaders like Donald Trump.

Servant Leadership thoughts

When the bible talks about leadership, it offers metaphors and relationships, like shepherd to sheep and father to child rather than models.
The metaphors the bible uses changes according to the society it's speaking to. So in the NT the metaphors change from rural ones (like sheep), to urban ones (like Greek gyms).
So what are the post-modern equivalents metaphors for servant leadership?

The truth is that leaders and followers share power. You are not a leader if no one is following. Now, the questions is does this work in our relationship with God? I think that God chooses to share power with his followers.

How to analyze supernatural phenomena anthropologically

1. What is the nature of the power? Internal/external/transitional
2. What is the source of power?
3. How is it channeled?
4. How is it used? What area is it effective in?
5. Note how the power is activated/requested e.g invocations
6. What is its magical nature? E.g. Imitative/contagious/infectious

Magic

3 ways to categorize it

• Transitional - power only there for a while - possession, mediums, trances, altered states etc. 
• Internal - power coming from within the person that is always there - psychic, evil eye, prophecy, visions, witchcraft. 
• External - power through manipulating objects - spells, formulas, invocations, sorcery.

Types of magic

• Sympathetic - imitative ritual e.g. Rain dances, hunting rituals
• Contagious - power transferred through physical contact with objects in ritual e.g voodoo
• Infectious- power transferred through rituals that send results over distances e.g. Sending curses, Pointing the bone

The problem with magic

1. It's delusional

2. It's illusional

3. It's demonic based - promotes Satans' lies, inspires faith in false gods, represents levels of power in Satans' hierarchy. Example in scripture - divination being lies (1 kings 22)

Life cycle rituals

Life cycle rituals in all cultures 

• Birth ceremonies - acknowledge new member of society
• Initiation ceremonies - prepare people for new role and responsibilities in society e.g quests to prepare young warriors to see if they can endure pain, (Jesus visiting Jerusalem was probably part of his Bar Mitzvah)
• Marriage ceremony- defines sexual access and the transfer of reproductive potential, as well as the responsibility for care of that woman. There is no natural culture in the world where promiscuous sex is allowed with no rules, though there are some that allow polyandry (multiple brothers marrying one woman) etc. In PNG, you make a little payment to get to sleep with your bride, but you are only officially married once the first child has been born and they make the final payment. 
• Funerals - most complicated because the ceremony tries to give a fuller understanding about death - causes, attitudes towards death, beliefs of afterlife, relationship between living and dead, grieving, treatment of corpse, adjusting to living with the absence of the dead.

Be careful what you study

This semester I am taking a class called the "dynamics of religion". It covers all the experiences of the supernatural in different cultures and world views, including folk religions, witchcraft, ghosts etc.

Since starting it I have been woken twice by hearing a female voice in my room, a strange one in the morning , and in the afternoon a young friend calling my name, but both times no one was there. That same young friend was also staying with me, and she twice heard someone call her name but no one was there. 

My young friend did not know what I was studying till after she heard these voices. I don't know what it is, but talking to Thai people, it seems this is a common experience and they advise to not answer and to not turn your head. In fact at least every second person here in Thailand believes that they've seen a ghost and the amount of stories and evidence here is wild, huge especially compared to my western experience. 

So I was a little unnerved and I was home alone. I got into bed and opened my bible, finishing off my reading on the end of Jeremiah and the beginning of Lamentations. As I was reading, it struck me that I served a God who raised and destroyed empires, like the fall of Jerusalem. A God who could crush a pesky ghost like a gnat. And on that note, I fell soundly asleep.

Understanding world view

Charles Kraft's fundamental world view orientations
1. Everyone needs order and logic, classification and categorization of their world. That's why we name and see pictures in stars and name animals and plants into species etc. Western science focuses a lot on organizing the world. A tribal people might classify into domestic versus wild.
2. Everyone needs an identity and a way to relate to other people's identity. Like babies when they start to figure out that they are a separate person from mum. You need to work out what identity you fit into with the people you minister to, otherwise when you constantly break the mold you confuse them, for example, in Thailand I am an older sister to some and a younger sister to others but I still have a place in the family hierarchy.
3. Need to have a sense of cause and effect. Ty to find explanations for random or unknown phenomena. Like getting sick- some cultures may blame germs or mosquitoes, some cultures may blame spirits or an internal imbalance or energy etc. Or blame karma. So when people are convinced that they are sick from spiritual causes, if you deny it you have shut the door to minister to them further. Instead heal both the spirit and the body.
4. Everyone needs a time orientation. We need to work it where we are at in a sequence of events or time continuum. It's the year 2555 here in Thailand by the way.
5. Everyone needs to have a sense of where they are in space. Geographical and physical location.
6. Everyone needs relationships

Seven existential questions of any religion

I'm currently studying the dynamics of religion, looking at experiences all around the world. This was an interesting common theme to me- questions everyone asks. Then I write after my own opinion of what me faith says.

1. Is there life after death?
Yes
2. Is there supernatural healing for illness?
Yes, though sometimes He chooses not to.
3. Is there supernatural power for success?
Some people think there's set formula where money or ritual goes in and success comes out, but I think this is more accurate of the way it works
" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:6-7
4. Is there supernatural power to protect me?
Yes, but sometimes He chooses not to, after all, even Jesus died.
5. What is the cause of and answer to evil?
The combination of Satan and humans, stemming from the original fall.
6. What is the meaning of life?
Love God, love people and try to leave something of lasting spiritual value before you go.
7. Is there purpose in suffering?
Sometimes it's training character or changing people for the better, sometimes it's just the result of living in a fallen world.

Social justice

Social justice is a really hot topic right now in pop culture. It's now cool to have fair trade items, eat organic, join Facebook groups for a cause, buy the rubber bracelet/badge/tshirt and maybe even occupy wall street etc. Living in Thailand where human trafficking and poverty are daily realities, I feel that it is good that people are being made more aware that there is a world that suffers. The key for us as Christians is to not just superficially band-aid it and instead realize two things:
1) There will be no lasting change without God. I have seen so much of the dependency created by aid handouts. You can feed people immediately and that is good, but the long term problems leading to their poverty and hunger are not going to go away until there is real heart change in individuals. There will always be victims until the hearts of predators are transformed. And when enough hearts are changed, then a whole culture can change to be more like the Kingdom of God on earth. And the only power big enough to effect this kind of change is the transforming love of Jesus Christ, doing His thing in peoples lives.
2) Sometimes when we look at the world's problems, we might get overwhelmed and want to throw up our hands and say 'it's too big, too difficult to fix' and retreat into the sanctuary of our comfortable daily life. We need to remember that it is God in control. We are not responsible for fixing the whole world, we are simply going to be held responsible for doing what God has asked of us. I like to think of it as a little garden plot in the world that he gives us to tend. My garden plot is here in Chiangmai, Thailand, although it has recently expanded to include Asia and that is a little unnerving, but he also gives the gardening tools. I would encourage you all to open your hearts to just ask God what garden plot he has set for you to tend, whether it be supporting or even going into missions overseas, helping out at the homeless shelter or even just reaching out to a lonely neighbour in your community.
I think this is how we effect real lasting change in the world, and we don't do it primarily because the world needs it (because you'll get burnt out if that's your main motivation), we do it because we serve a loving God and He is worth it.

Compromise

Jeremiah 34:8-16 Zedekiah had proclaimed liberty to the slaves, according to the law of God that sets everyone free every 7 years, but then the people of Israel had turned around and taken them back into slavery. So Jeremiah condemns them for it. I was just thinking about how does God intervene into cultures and I realized that even though his perfect ideal is a world without slavery, he compromised with the economic culture of that time which relied on slavery, to make the best out of a bad situation.He puts laws in place to deal with a sinful culture to drag it out of the worst it could be and at least afford some hope and protection for the oppressed. My study has been a lot lately about how do Christians try to change our world, or intervene in our culture. In America, it basically comes down to you either believe that the US is going into moral decline and Christians need to take over the government (Christian right/republican), that we need to be relevant to the culture and the Christian right has represented Christianity wrongly, (Christian left/democrat) or that the whole system is evil and we should have nothing to do with it (neo-anabaptist). Instead, in the book i am reading by James Davidson Hunter, he proposes a theory of ' faithful presence' which actually sounds an awful lot like basic Christianity. And so I was thinking of how would God react to our culture,and frankly when you look at how he deals with the Hebrews, he makes laws to try to point towards a better way of living, but he doesn't deny their current culture. He recognizes that their current system is based on slavery, and he makes the best of it, with the final view being that in the kingdom of God all men are brothers. In fact, freedom has tended to break out where the gospel is in history because eventually we realize that we can't enslave one another when Jesus has set us all free. And so how do we deal with our cultures? Firstly, stuff may be wrong in our culture, but rather than jumping ship and creating our own Christian bubbles of safety which we're very good at or embracing it without criticism,we need to acknowledge the wrong and then try to make the best of it, alleviate it however we can, with the understanding that it may not change instantly, but it could over time. And we need to protect the oppressed.

Why must we be apart?

So today I had to say goodbye to people who are very near and very dear to me. This is something that has been recurring over and over on furlough, because inevitably I must return to Thailand. I know that is where I am called and where I will be for a very long time, but it causes me grief to know I have to live apart from those I love and I find myself asking God "why?" Why is it that to serve You I have to leave people behind when it feels so much more natural that we should be living life together? Why must I leave them when I feel like they need me? And I am afraid of this: At the end of my life I just don't want to find myself wishing that I had lived it more with them! And so I come to these few answers, and I don't know if any other missionary has found better ones. I give people up to God knowing that He loves them so much more than even I do, even if it feels like my heart will burst. He can also take care of them so much better than I could, even if I stayed. We also have all eternity to live together, and our short time of separation on earth is going to seem trivial to that and I must do the work that is set before me. Finally in the end, there is only this: My Lord is worth the sacrifice, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

Reasons for furlough

As I came through customs into the US, the usual suspicious officer asked, "What kind of job do you have that let's you have 3 months off?"

"It's my furlough", I said. 

"What is that?"

"I'm a missionary and they give us a long break so that we don't burn out."

While that was a very succinct was of putting it, it is part of the truth. As I write this I am on a mini-furlough in the US, road-tripping around it. I already miss Thailand terribly, and in some ways wish to be back constantly, even though it is incredibly hot and smoggy there right now. I guess the first realisation I had then, was that Thailand has truly become home in the last 4 years, as I am homesick.

So I am reminding myself of my reasons for furlough. The Dahlfreds have a great article written up on their blog if you would like to read the overall reasons for furlough, but I'll just process through my own reasons here since so many people have asked me what I am doing in the US.

Reasons for this furlough:

• Reconnecting with friends. Over the years in study and in missions, my friendships have spread all over the world and now I have deep friends I have not seen for years in the US, so I thought it was time. Being in Thailand can occasionally leave me feeling isolated because so many people come and go, but very few stay for the long term, so I average losing at least 5 good friends per year.
• Renewal. While I do take breaks in Thailand, I have come to slowly realize that being out of the Thai context is leaving me time to reflect on experiences and think through bigger picture issues that I just don't even get around to considering usually. Hopefully at the end of this process my head is in better shape to return to Thailand. I am also doing my version of resting, which is just having plain 'ol fun and adventures. On the other hand, being in America is somewhat stressful because I don't know how to do things here (it took me half an hour to figure out how to pump gas the first time) and I have to drive on the right. And it is cold.
• Deputation. As I prepare to step into a new role setting up a field co-ordination team with Project Video, I have been travelling thanking churches for their support, connecting with new churches and people, networking with other mission agencies, and trying to raise the profile of the field co-ordination team. 
• Training. In Thailand, I will the first and currently, the only Field Co-ordinator for Asia. My boss is US based and has been travelling back and forth to pioneer this ministry. When I begin, I will assume some of his Asia-side responsibilities so I will b spending time training with him.

So the overall goal is always longevity. While I don't feel like I'm burning out, I have had very stressful times in the last four years (think of when the car was breaking down in the middle of the Bangkok floods and it looked like my team could be stranded!).  I am there to stay in Thailand and if coming away means that I don't burn out or have a break down further down the track, then I have to keep reminding myself, it is worth it.